Married Couples : Lasting Love
by Susan Graham Mathis
Christian music artist Michael W. Smith and his wife, Debbie, recently celebrated their 22nd wedding anniversary. With five children ages 19 to 11 and Michael touring regularly, their home teems with activity. The foundation that keeps their family strong is their belief in covenant marriage as God’s design. “Covenant means you sign the dotted line—that nothing comes in the way of it,” Michael says.
“Marriage is a picture of what the church is in relationship to God,” Debbie says. “It’s a solemn and holy thing. It’s God’s plan for society—to unite a man and a woman. The way the Bible portrays marriage is His best plan for the world.”
Since marriage is intended to be an expression of worship, the Smiths believe marriage should mirror that passionate love Christ has for the church. Granted, raising a family and being a celebrity makes relationship building a challenge at times. So the Smiths have to be strategic. One strategy they use: weekly date nights.
“To keep our romance alive, we have to make it a priority,” Michael says. “Busyness can sweep us away, and all of a sudden we start to have a communication breakdown. The key is that we get one-on-one time together.”
Debbie admits that she has to guard against filling up her time and neglecting Michael. “You can really burn yourself out and have nothing left for your husband, and that isn’t right.”
A sacrificial marriage
Another part of their strategy is being willing to sacrifice. “Debbie’s been unselfish since day one, and she has graciously released me to do what God wants me to do. A big part of marriage is giving, sacrificing and being unselfish,” Michael says. “My kids see the way I treat Deb and how we interact, and they watch us with other people. They also see I’ve turned down opportunities in order
to make family my priority.”
“If Michael needs or wants something, [I try to find] a way to serve him,” Debbie says. “God uses sacrificial love in marriage to shape us into being more like Him—so we forget our agenda and follow His. It’s interesting how He uses marriage to build character.”
Protecting their marriage
As Michael and Debbie strive to be unselfish and giving in their marriage, they also find themselves protecting their home from enemies that might come against it. “You can’t put a price tag on family. As a celebrity, fighting for my marriage and family is always a challenge,” Michael says. “Fortunately, I work with a good team, and they all know that I don’t want anything to get in the way of my family. Usually, I’ll leave a concert and get on a plane so I’m home by midnight. The next day, I’ll be driving carpool.
“I protect my marriage by setting up certain parameters, and I don’t go outside those parameters. I don’t let myself get into compromising situations. And I have friends who keep me accountable and grounded.”
“I credit the Lord with keeping us strong,” Debbie says. “One key is having people pray for you, people who know what’s going on in your life.” The Smiths have been in a prayer group with the same seven couples for 14 years. The couples hold each other accountable; and as a result, each of their marriages is strong.
Role models
The Smiths guard their relationship not only to portray God’s purpose, but also to model a good marriage to their children. “I’d like my kids to see I’m a God-fearing man who loves his wife and kids well,” Michael says. “The way Deb and I have treated each other over the years speaks louder than words.” “When there’s tension in the air, our kids know it,” Debbie says. “So after we’ve resolved things, they need to know that everything’s fine, that we worked it out and forgave each other.”
“The kids observe our priorities, what drives us and what makes us tick,” Michael says. “I hope they’re seeing we’ve not only fallen in love with each other more and more over these years, but that we’ve also taken opportunities to pour our lives into other people.”
“Our kids tease us that we’re the Brady Bunch because we’re always doing things together,” Debbie says. “They know that family is central to everything we do, and Michael and I are committed to each other. Our children see us hug all the time, and it rubs off on them. It’s healthy to let them know that no matter how long we’ve been married, we’re still crazy about each other.”
As the Smiths walk in covenant together, they desire to show the next generation God’s design for marriage. “I love that quote from St. Francis of Assisi, ‘Preach always, but if necessary use words,’ “ Michael says. “My mom and dad do that. They’ve loved each other well for 46 years. Deb and I want to do the same.”
"Lasting Love." From the Feb/March 2004 issue of Focus on the Family magazine, a publication of Focus on the Family. Copyright © 2004, Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. International copyright secured. Used by permission.