Forgiveness
by Emerson Eggerichs
Have you ever been offended by your spouse? Have you ever struggled with forgiving your spouse? Perhaps the struggle went on for a few minutes or hours; it might have lasted for several days, weeks or even longer. What goes on in our minds when we have difficulty forgiving each other? We tell ourselves I won’t forgive for all kinds of reasons, including these:
o I don’t deserve to be treated this way!
o I refuse to be treated this way anymore!
o My spouse must pay. He or she will not get off the hook!
o I have a right to feel this way.
o My friends will back me up.
o Forgiveness is a nice ideal, but I have to survive.
Most of us can see through these excuses even though we may have used some of them in a pique of anger from time to time. We know that Jesus taught His followers to forgive “seventy times seven” (Matthew 18:22, KJV).
Refusing to forgive will disrupt your fellowship with the Lord. This is why people who are bitter and unforgiving do not experience the presence, peace and power of God. The heavens seem as brass, and God seems far away.
It doesn’t take much to find yourself in the “heavens as brass” syndrome. Just a little spat will do it, as my wife, Sarah, and I have discovered. During our first years of marriage, a typical scene would find Sarah angry with me and I with her, and neither of us would forgive or ask forgiveness. Still smouldering with anger, I would leave the house and head to my office at the church to prepare a sermon for the following Sunday. But after I closed my office door and sat down to pray and read the Scriptures, I found that the heavens would not open.
I heard no audible voice, but God spoke quite clearly nonetheless: “If you do not forgive Sarah and seek her forgiveness, I am not allowing My Spirit to touch your spirit. Things will not be right between us until you call Sarah and reconcile with her.”
I would reach for the phone to make that call, and more often than not the phone would ring before I could pick up the receiver. It would be Sarah calling me to reconcile because she had been getting exactly the same message from the Lord.
Our spats were never much more than that-two married people butting heads over little or nothing. Our conflicts have been tame compared to what some people go through due to adultery, physical abuse or desertion.
But whether the conflict is minor or major, the principle is the same. If a small conflict can result in an unforgiving spirit toward a spouse and the heavens become as brass, consider how much more serious it is when there is a major trespass and the person who was wronged chooses to be bitter and vindictive for years, perhaps for life.
The path to forgiveness is to realize that this isn’t primarily about your spouse. Your communion with God must be the real focus. Sarah might be 100 percent guilty of wronging me, but her guilt cannot justify my unforgiving heart. I can argue with God all day long and explain that I have a right to be unforgiving, but God’s spiritual law does not change. My unforgiving spirit is sinful, and this sin blocks my fellowship with Him. My issues with Sarah are secondary to my relationship with God.
Quote:
“People who are bitter and unforgiving do not experience the presence, peace and power of God.”
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