Every Man’s Battle - Focus on the Family Africa

Every Man’s Battle

At the root of most men’s online porn habit is a daily struggle with lust. Steve Arterburn, along with Fred Stoeker and Mike Yorkey, addresses this core problem with penetrating honesty in his new book, Every Man’s Battle. You can find that book in most Christian bookstores or you can order it online at Amazon.com. Here are some of the valuable ideas the authors share with Christians in that book

by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker with Mike Yorkey

…A Familiar Story
Wally, a businessman and frequent traveler, told us he absolutely dreads hotels. “I always eat a long, leisurely supper,” he says, “stalling before returning to my room because I know what’s coming. Before too long, I have the TV remote in my hand. I tell myself it’ll only be for a minute, but I know I’m lying. I know what I really want. I’m hoping to catch a little sex scene or two as I search the channels. I tell myself that I’ll only watch for a while, or that I’ll stop before I get carried away. Then my motor gets going and I lust for more, sometimes even turning to the X-rated channel.

“The RPMs are going so high I have to do something, or it feels like my engine will blow. So I masturbate. On a few occasions I fight it, but if I do, later on when I turn the lights out, I’m flooded with lustful thoughts and desires. I stare wide-eyed at the ceiling. I see nothing, but I literally feel the bombardment, the throbbing desire. I have no way to get to sleep, and it’s killing me. So I say, ‘Okay, if I masturbate, I’ll have peace, and I can finally get to sleep.’ So I do and guess what? The guilt is so strong I still can’t get to sleep. I wake up totally exhausted in the morning.

“What’s wrong with me? Do other men have this problem? I’m afraid to ask, really. What if this isn’t how everyone else is? What would that say about me? Worse, what if this is how everyone else it? What would that say about the church?

…Some reactions from women as they discover men’s hidden struggle with lust
“I did not know the depth that men would go and the risk they would take to satisfy their desires. I was unaware of how intense these temptations are and how much defense a man must muster to avoid stepping over God’s boundaries.”

“When my husband and I talked about this, he was honest, and I was very angry with him. I was hurt. I felt deeply betrayed because I’d been dieting and working out to keep my weight down so that I would always look nice to him. I couldn’t figure out why he still needed to look at other women.”

“After hearing about this, I was surprised that married men would have so much trouble. I feel very sorry for them. When I asked my own husband about it, he was honest with me that he had some struggles, and at first I was hurt. Then I just felt thankful that he would share with me. He hasn’t had a major problem in this area, for which I’m thankful.”

…Time to make a decision
Look in the mirror. Are you proud of your sexual fantasizing? Or do you feel degraded after viewing lingerie ads or sex scenes in films?

Sexually speaking, you have a low-grade sexual fever. It doesn’t disable you, but you aren’t healthy either. You can sort of function normally, but you really can’t push hard. Basically, you just get by. And if this fever doesn’t break, you’ll never really function as a Christian. Like the prodigal, you need to come to your senses and make a decision.

Your own wife may not be aware of your problem with sexual impurity, so we’ll ask the questions for her:

How long are you going to stay sexually impure?
How long will you rob your wife sexually?
How long will you stunt the growth of oneness with your wife, a oneness you promised her years ago?