By Danae Dobson

It was 5 p.m. on a school night when the doorbell rang. I peeked through the shutters to see who it was. Cindy Mitchell, one of my sixth-grade classmates, was standing on the porch with her notebook and folder. When I opened the door, I could tell she’d been crying.

“Cindy!” I exclaimed. “What’s wrong?”

“My mom and I got into an argument at the mall,” she said, sniffing. “I told her I was leaving and that I wasn’t coming back.”

My mouth dropped open. “You mean you left your mom at the mall and walked a mile over here?” I asked.

Cindy nodded. “I got my homework out of the car on the way. I was hoping I could stay here awhile.”

“Sure,” I said, opening the door a little wider. “Come on in.”

I knew right away that this situation was way over my head and that I’d better get my own mother involved. I brought Cindy into the family room and poured her a glass of iced tea. Through short breaths, she explained the fiasco to my mom, who encouraged Cindy to call her mom. Not too much later, a frazzled woman arrived to pick up her daughter. By that time Cindy had calmed down and was content to go home.

Getting Along With Parents
The grab for control is what produces most fights between parents and teens. Many adolescents aren’t content to receive their independence gradually. They want it yesterday. Mom and Dad are placed in a difficult position when this occurs. They have the God-given responsibility to lead their teens, but they can’t force them to comply. The situation can result in a flurry of conflict.

But maybe you’re one of those easygoing types who rarely has a run-in with your folks. If you are, then I applaud you. I hope you can breeze through adolescence with as little conflict as possible. But if you’re like most teens, you’re bound to clash with your parents on occasion. Maybe it’ll be in regard to what you wear or a broken curfew or a friend they disapprove of. When the confrontation occurs, how can you keep your cool and promote peace in your family?

Making Peace
Let’s look at the Bible for advice. James 3:17-18 says, “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.”

What great truths these are. If we all lived by them, the world would be a much better place. Unfortunately, it’s easier to read this passage than to live by it. None of us is perfect, and conflicts are inevitable. But God can help us conquer our frustrations in a way that doesn’t wound or damage.

If you’re having a hard time getting along with your parents, remember that circumstances won’t always stay the way they are. You won’t always have to struggle to rid yourself of their authority. Your independence will be handed to you. Just a few more years will bring remarkable changes in your relationship with them. With this in mind, I urge you to be charitable to your mom and dad. Sure, they may nag you about your messy room and your loud music and the amount of junk food you eat. They’re parents! But the Bible speaks of a personal reward when you treat them well. “ ‘Honor your father and mother’ — which is the first commandment with a promise — ’that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth’ ” (Ephesians 6:2-3).

So try to be a peacemaker in your family. You don’t want to go through life with regrets over things you’ve said or done during these last years at home. No conflict is worth creating bitter memories that will linger into your adult life.

Forgiveness Goes a Long Way!
Some of you may have a good reason to be angry at your parents. But remember that you’ll only be living at home with them for a few more years. Can you find it in your heart to forgive? Ask the Lord to help you, and He will.

God wants to enable you to build a relationship with your mom and dad that’s free from anger and resentment. Isn’t that what you want, too?

Some Things to Think About
• What’s the biggest source of tension between you and your parents? How can you improve it?
• How does God help us become peacemakers? What eight traits will we exhibit if we have “the wisdom that comes from heaven”? (see James 3:17-18).
• Think of one way you can show love to each of your parents this week.

Excerpted from Let’s Talk! by Danae Dobson. Tyndale Publishers. Copyright 2003. Used by permission.
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