Help for Six Common Marriage Problems

We tend to view marriage like a contract — a worldly construct — rather than as a covenant, designed by God. In the first episode, Ryan and Selena Frederick tackle this common lie we often believe about marriage. Watch now and learn how to diffuse the contractual tendencies and beliefs we often have within our marriage.

Problem No. 1: What's The Biggest Lie We Believe About Marriage

We tend to view marriage like a contract — a worldly construct — rather than as a covenant, designed by God. In the first episode, Ryan and Selena Frederick tackle this common lie we often believe about marriage. Watch now and learn how to diffuse the contractual tendencies and beliefs we often have within our marriage.

We want to come alongside you and point you to the best resources possible:

Step 1
Think about how you might view your marriage as a contract rather than a covenant. In what ways are you making your marriage about yourself?

Step 2
Read and meditate on this Scripture: “God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.’ ” — Genesis 1:28

Step 3
Check out the article – “How to Fight Selfishness in Marriage” by Dr. Greg Smalley about how he made changes in his life to limit selfishness in his marriage. 

Step 4
Get Ryan and Selena Frederick’s book Fierce Marriage: Radically Pursuing Each Other in Light of Christ’s Relentless Love as a companion guide for this series. 

Problem No. 2: We Tend to Make Comparisons

Are you guilty of playing the comparison game in your marriage? “If only my spouse was …” In episode 2, Ryan and Selena admit they’ve fallen for this trap, along with other subtle ways of judging their relationship. But there’s only one comparison worth making — viewing marriage through the lens of what God has done. Watch now to learn about the three most common comparisons we make in marriage and how to overcome them.

We want to come alongside you and point you to the best resources possible:

Step 1
Think about and practice eliminating comparisons you’re making in your marriage. Which of the three common comparisons do you struggle with the most?

Step 2
Read and meditate on this Scripture:  “Thus says the LORD, ‘Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me.’ ” — Jeremiah 9:23-24 

Step 3
Check out the article – “Secrets of Being a Happy Wife,” written by New York Times bestselling author Fawn Weaver, on how a husband and a wife can reach agreement on what happiness in marriage looks like. 

Problem No. 3: Loneliness

Loneliness is a common issue in modern marriages. Husbands and wives are supposed to be bound by a covenant and deep intimacy, but many have never felt more isolated, anxious, and depressed. In episode 3, Ryan and Selena Frederick offer hope and point you to some “trailheads” to start a journey back to unity and wholeness. Watch now and learn five specific tips that will help lead you and your spouse out of the feeling of loneliness.

We want to come alongside you and point you to the best resources possible:

Step 1
Think about and practice one of the five “trailheads” suggested by Ryan and Selena Frederick — clear communication, correct priorities, Christian community, counseling, believe that Christ is near. Which seems like a next step for you and your spouse?

Step 2
Read and meditate on this Scripture:  “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18 

Step 3
Check out the article – “How to Reconnect When You’re Lonely in Your Marriage,” written by Don Morgan, on how to anticipate lonely moments and turn them into growth opportunities. 

Step 4
Get Dr. Greg and Erin Smalley’s book – Reconnected: Moving From Roommates to Soulmates in Your Marriage, to learn practical ways to rekindle the passionate, intimate, heart-to-heart spark of connection between a husband and wife.

 

Problem No. 4: Challenges With In-Laws

Your spouse’s family can be a blessing, but they can also be a challenge. Often, couples see the niceties fade over time, a pivotal question emerges: “Are you on my side or your family’s?” In the fourth episode, Ryan and Selena look to Scripture for how God designed the marriage relationship — for His glory and your flourishing. Watch now to learn three tips on managing in-law challenges!

We want to come alongside you and point you to the best resources possible:

Step 1
Think about and practice the three tips Ryan and Selena Frederick shared about dealing with in-laws. What would a hard conversation with compassion look like for you and your spouse?

Step 2
Read and meditate on this Scripture:  “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24 

Step 3
Check out the article – “Positively In-Laws,” written by Suzanne Jordan Brown

Step 4
Get Ryan and Selena Frederick’s book Fierce Marriage: Radically Pursuing Each Other in Light of Christ’s Relentless Love as a companion guide for this series. 

Problem No. 5: Not Setting Boundaries

Church, family, work … these are good things in life and in a marriage. But without boundaries, even good things can create challenges between you and your spouse. In episode 5, the Fredericks discuss how boundaries are really about priorities, and they do a lot more than just shield us from bad things. Watch now to learn how to create three specific boundary areas that will help your marriage starting today!

We want to come alongside you and point you to the best resources possible:

Step 1
Think about and practice establishing protections for your relationship regarding the three boundary areas discussed by Ryan and Selena Frederick. Which one do you most need to put into practice?

Step 2
Read and meditate on this Scripture: “A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” — Proverbs 25:28

Step 3
Get your copy of the book – Boundaries in Marriage, by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Learn when to say yes and when to say no to your spouse and others — for the sake of your marriage.  

Problem No. 6: Keeping Score

In episode 6, Ryan and Selena Frederick wrap up the series by discussing how sharing responsibilities in marriage can bring unity to your relationship — but only if it’s done in generosity. If you and your spouse see “adulting” as an opportunity to love and serve one another, you can extend grace and joy in your relationship and avoid keeping score and bitterness. Watch now to learn three steps that will help you and your spouse achieve agreement over chores.

We want to come alongside you and point you to the best resources possible:

Step 1
Think about and practice listing the responsibilities in your home and asking “How can I serve my spouse in this?

Step 2
Read and meditate on this Scripture: “Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.”— Ephesians 4:1-3 

Step 3
Check out the article – “How to Find Work-Life Balance for Your Marriage,” written by Bill Arbuckle, about four ways to start being more intentional about your time and priorities. 

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