Focus on the Family Africa

Lancelot Lives

by Jeremy V. Jones

The time is now to become a knight in shining armour because someday you just might want to rescue that princess. Here’s how.

The army of cardboard cupids is hovering overhead. Carnation sales are sweeping the hallways of the nation’s schools. Love is in the air or at least infatuation.

Whether Valentine’s Day sweeps you into la-la-love-land or drives you as far as possible from those red, lacy hearts, at some time in life you’ve probably felt the shortness of breath, butterflying stomach and knees buckling at the sight of her. And if tortured long enough, you might even confess to seeing that far-off vision of romance and marriage knight-in-shining-armour style where you ride a white horse to the rescue of the beautiful maiden, who swoons with all-consuming love as you slay the dragon, sweep her off her feet and ride into the sunset to live happily ever after.

Don’t worry, Lancelot, it’s OK to dream. The good thing is that marriage is a long way off for you, so you’ve got plenty of time to prepare. Because here’s the thing: Knights don’t just happen. Those armour-suited guys from the Round Table had some serious training to do before being whacked over the shoulders by the king and dubbed a knight.

The same is true for you. What you do today matters later in life. And now is the time for training to become that knightly future husband. Consider this your crash course in gallantry. Listen well, young squire, and you may one day have your pick of all the princesses of the land.

PUT PURITY INTO PRACTICE

God created sex as an amazing gift to be shared between husband and wife. What kind of present do you want to be to your future wife? One carefully wrapped and unstained, or carelessly dented and ripped open? Honour her now by living out a commitment to sexual purity until marriage.

Set clear boundaries. Decide now how far is too far before the passion of the moment has a chance to carry you farther. At the beginning of a relationship, talk about your limits and determine the consequences of failure, such as breaking up. If you can’t handle that, you aren’t ready for a relationship.

Slay the lust dragon. Don’t think you can just delay all your lusts until after you’re married. Your wife will not simply be your swimsuit model whose main purpose is to fulfill your every fantasy. Train your eyes to glance away from girls’ bodies. And use Scripture as your sword. Memorize 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 and say it out loud when you’re tempted, “Flee from sexual immorality. . . . You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.”

Find a band of brothers. Memorize Scripture together. Pray for each other. Check up on each other. And stand strong, knowing you’re not alone in the battle. If you’re in a romantic relationship with a girl, seek out a youth pastor or youth leader who can provide the same type of support and accountability to you both.

CHIVALRY LIVES

Knights haven’t been around for centuries, but they’re still known for their gentlemanly manners. Those guys knew how to treat women.

Build up your buddies, the female ones especially. Girls are different than guys, so treat them with some extra dignity. Encourage and compliment your girl friends. Stick up for them. Open doors for them, and tone it down on the burping and rudeness around them. Remember that until you say, “I do,” every girl is potentially someone else’s future wife, and she deserves the same respect that you want other guys out there to show your future wife.

COMMUNICATION IS KEY

If you’ve ever had a girlfriend, you know it’s not all fun and games. Fights and disagreements happen. Marriage is the same way, and the strongest relationships are those in which both people are able to talk and work through their feelings and emotions.

Learn to listen. Practice looking people in the eye. Ask questions that require more than yes or no answers, such as “What did you think about the youth pastor’s talk on dating versus courtship?” Let a friend say what’s on his mind without you disagreeing, and don’t laugh at him, especially if he’s sharing something personal.
Express yourself. You don’t have to get all gushy, but practice saying what’s on your mind. The next time your mom asks “How was your day?” go beyond “Fine.” Give her an example of something that happened, such as “I aced my algebra test even though I was nervous about it.”

LASTING A LIFETIME

No one goes into marriage planning to have it end a few years down the road. Ensure your chances of a solid lifelong marriage now by using your “single” time to find your security in your relationship with Christ and let Him teach you through friendships with others.

Learn women. What opportunity! You’re surrounded by tens, hundreds, maybe thousands of girls right now at school or church. Instead of wasting time worrying about how to lay claim to one of them as your girlfriend, get to know a bunch of them as friends. Go out in groups. Pay attention. Learn personality traits you like or don’t or what character traits are inspiring and attractive to you in a girl. Practice talking with them. You’ll lay a solid foundation for when it comes time to seriously consider finding a wife.

GET PAST THE BIG “I”

You’ve heard it before: The world doesn’t revolve around you. Do everyone a favour: Get your eyes off yourself every once in a while. One day, it’ll be crucial to your marriage to serve your wife and put her needs before your own.

Practice service. You’ve got plenty of opportunities in your family to sacrifice what you want for someone else’s benefit. Does your sister need to use the computer? Does your little brother need help with his homework? Could you clear the table or take out the trash without being asked? Change your attitude and see these actions as chances to help those around you. As you make it a habit, you’ll be surprised that those same loved ones may begin to go out of their way to repay the kindness and serve you.

HELP SAVE MARRIAGE

If some political groups have their way, marriage won’t be the same once you’re old enough to enjoy it. The institution of marriage is under attack like never before.

You’ve probably heard all the talk about same-sex marriage on the news or in your current events studies at school. Many homosexual groups want to legalize marriage between two women or two men, and one group of scholars and activists wants to de-legalize marriage altogether.

So what’s the big deal?

Marriage is God’s masterpiece: the union of man and woman that capped his Creation (Genesis 2:18-25). It’s a reflection of the intimacy He desires with His followers (Jeremiah 3:14). It’s a holy covenant between a man and woman that is legally recognized by the state, and it provides the God-designed framework for having and raising children. Sure, we humans have weakened it with our rampant divorce, but that doesn’t mean marriage isn’t worth defending.

Holding to marriage’s original definition as between one man and one woman is not an act of intolerance; it’s a protection of the basic family structure. Decades of research confirm a long list of benefits in traditional one man/one woman marriage for both adults (longer, happier lives, less stress, more fulfilling sex lives) and kids (fewer illnesses, less poverty, better academic development, less drug use and violence).

What can you do to help protect marriage?

Know what you believe and defend marriage in classroom discussions, written papers, student publication or debates.

Ask your youth pastor or small group leader to study and discuss marriage and why it matters.

Jesse Florea is the editor of Clubhouse magazine.

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