Focus on the Family Africa

How Girls Think

By Johanna Hulbert

Get a crash course on understanding and connecting with the opposite sex. Consider this a beginner’s manual to the inner workings of the female mind.

Girls are everywhere — except the boys’ locker room, of course. As the only female on the Breakaway team, I plan to give you a crash course in how to better understand and connect with the girls at your school or youth group, with your mom or sister. We kicked off our discussion last month, focusing mainly on purity and modesty. (Remember?) Consider this your beginner’s manual to the inner workings of the fairer sex.

FEMALE THINKING 101 The female mind can think of a hundred things at one time. With this high-powered mind, all 298 conclusions in a given situation are analyzed in virtually 5.7 seconds! Picture the scene: You stroll through the front door at 8:30 one evening — 30 minutes after you said you would be home. Mom frantically demands, “You’re late! Where on earth have you been?”

You’re about to blurt out, “Chill out, Mom! What’s the big deal?”

Fact is, she has already imagined every possible reason for you being late from the simple fact you lost track of time while playing basketball with your buds to the extreme chance of a horrifying accident.Your explanation to Mom needs to be calm and truly apologetic. An explosive response from you causes more anxiety and unnecessary worry.

Your mom loves you and is now worried whether she has failed to teach you responsibility and time management. Generally speaking, females are easily worried. We can have anxiety about physical appearance, pleasing others, getting our feelings hurt. You may be thinking, Hey, guys worry about those same things.

Yes, but you deal with them in a different manner. All you might do is shoot some hoops, catch up on some z’s, or find leftovers in the fridge. Girls talk about their worries with someone they trust. Remember to be sensitive with your words when speaking to a girl. Offer sincere compliments: “Good job on your art project, Jannell.” “Mrs. Hulbert, your lasagna rocks!” Or tell your sister (yes, your sister) she looks nice before she heads out the door. Statements like these (especially from a male) make the worry monster in our minds creep away.

GIRLS CONNECT WITH OTHERS BY TALKING

Question: Why do girls follow each other to the restroom?

Answer: To finish a conversation, or talk about something the whole group does not need to hear. If you want to get to know a girl, DON’T follow her to the ladies’ room! Ask a good question that leads to great conversation.

CHECKLIST

• Whether your style is clean-cut or grunge, strive to be at least moderately clean. Unless you’re coming off the Breakaway backpacking trip and haven’t showered in 10 days, you should be dirt-free and smell nice.

• Cologne. If you wear it, make sure the scent arrives and leaves an area about the same time you do.

• When talking to a girl, look at her face — she always notices when you look elsewhere.

• Ask good questions to find out more about her.

• Smile and laugh. This will make her smile and laugh, too.

TROUBLE-SHOOTING GUIDE

Problem: There’s this girl in my church youth group that I really like. I just don’t know what to say to her, and I feel really bad when I can’t think of anything. What can I do so I don’t come off as if I don’t care when I can’t think of anything to say?

Remedy: Girls love to talk about anything and everything (including you). Start a conversation by asking a question starting with a word such as why, how or what. Try to avoid cliché questions that lead to one-word answers (see below). Pay attention to her likes and dislikes. Find something in common and build conversation from there. Avoid arrogant remarks like “This math homework was so easy! My 5-year-old brother could do this!” Be more encouraging. Say, “Math can be confusing sometimes. Want some help?”

Problem: She’s giving you the silent treatment. The reason might be . . .

a. She’s not interested in talking to you at the moment.

b. She IS interested and therefore you are the LAST person she talks to. (C’mon, you guys do the same thing!)

c. You haven’t introduced yourself yet.

Remedy: Follow the checklist given here. Take a deep breath, walk up to her, smile and say, “Hi, I’m (your name).” Ask a question. If she completely snubs you, get the message and move on. If she sticks around, listens and asks you questions in return, congratulations! You are now successful in conversing with the opposite sex.

CONVERSATION STARTERS:

• “What did you do for spring break?“

• “How was your game last night?“ (Note: This only works for the girl who plays on a team.)

• “What kind of music do you like?“

• “How is your history project going?“

• “How was your day? “Follow-up question: “Why was your day good/bad?“

Avoid one-word answer or cliché questions:

• “How’s it goin’?” “Fine.“

• “Aren’t you glad summer is finally here?” “Yes.“

• “Did you watch the final episode of ‘American Idol’? ” “No.“