Focus on the Family Africa

Hold Onto Your Heart (Part 1 of 3)

By Amy Stephens

My best friend, Nicki, and I started high school doing everything together. We walked to school every day, passed notes on the way to class, met during breaks and walked home together after school. The only times we were apart were when we did extracurricular activities. I could always be myself around Nicki. I could tell her anything and know that she would still be my friend. Nicki could also challenge me if I was wrong in a way that never seemed offensive. I have to admit that I was a little bit jealous of Nicki. No matter how hard I tried to lose weight, Nicki seemed to always look better. She was smart, independent and had a great relationship with her mom, which was definitely something I didn’t have. Since we only lived five houses from each other, we spent most working moments as great friends and neighbors.

I’m still not quite sure how Nicki met Steve, but during one mid-morning break I saw Nicki talking a long time to him. That afternoon walking home from school, I heard how cute, kind and wonderful Steve was and knew this was a full-blown crush in the making. I didn’t think much about it at first, because I wasn’t sure if Steve felt the same way for Nicki. But then, all of our conversations began to revolve around Steve. Nicki had memorized his school schedule and knew just when to walk down the hall to see him, when Steve would be walking home from football practice and where Steve hung out for lunch. Nicki always seemed to pop up at the right moments to say "hi" or have a quick chat. Finally, the big breakthrough came when Steve asked Nicki out after a football game.

Nicki and I sat together during the game, but I knew I was going to be dumped when the game was over. I watched as Nicki and Steve walked off the field toward his car. Somehow I knew right then that things were really going to change for Nicki and me.

As the weeks went by, I began to see less and less of Nicki. Since Steve had a car, it was more convenient for them to ride to school together. Not wanting to be a "third wheel" in the back seat, I walked or rode my bike to school. Steve and Nicki spent school breaks together, ate lunch together and met after football practice to go to his house together. Afternoons just weren’t the same without my best friend to talk to. Because I was involved in school activities, I was making new friends. I couldn’t really count on Nicki to be there for me because Steve was her first priority.

After what seemed like weeks of not spending time with Nicki, I went over to her house one afternoon to sit in her room and catch up on her life. I immediately noticed that Nicki rarely spoke about what she wanted to do, or how she as an individual felt about something. Everything in her vocabulary was about "us," or what "we" would like to do. She seemed to know what "they" would be doing for the next six months. Where, I wondered, was the real Nicki? This didn’t sound like the independent, self-assured friend I knew. I felt uneasy. I asked Nicki what she and Steve did every day after school because I knew she rarely came home before dinner. Nicki’s voice dropped, for fear her mother would hear, and told me that she and Steve were getting physically closer and that they were thinking about "going all the way." She had this knowing smile – like someone who has a special secret. I was pretty speechless. Scared too. This seemed so fast. What had happened? What was Nicki thinking? What about getting pregnant? What about Steve’s parents? Did they have a clue what was going on between Nicki and Steve? Where was this relationship going? I left Nicki’s home wishing I had said a million things, but I wasn’t sure if she would have listened to me. Part of me was very sad.

You might be experiencing this very scenario with one of your close friends. You’re watching your friend go down a path toward having sex without a thought or care in the world because she is so crazy about her boyfriend, she can’t see or think straight. You are watching this happy couple walk head-on toward a train wreck and you’re wondering what you can do. If this is what you’re experiencing, then your friend needs you now more than ever.

Your friend might not seem like she is listening to you. Maybe that’s because all she can think about is pleasing the person she’s nuts over. But the truth is your friend needs a jolt back to reality from a trusted friend like you. You need to let your friend know that you are there for her and that because you love her, you want to be truthful.

However, before you can talk to your friend, you need to have your facts straight and your questions carefully chosen to help your friend find her way back. Come back to this Web site next week to get those facts.

Hold Onto Your heart
Part 1	Part 2	Part 3

Hold Onto Your heart