In Fight Your Way to a Better Marriage, Dr. Greg Smalley asserts that conflict is frequently driven by fear, not the immediate issues at hand. We all have hot button issues, that when pushed, set off an immediate knee-jerk emotional response. Dr. Smalley has included a chart in his book with common reactions and explain what they mean. He has devised a powerful five-step communication process for healthy conflict call the L.U.V.E. talk method. It stands for Listen, Understand, Validate, Empathize, and Apologize.